Today is the first day of Advent, a season of the Christian church that starts four Sundays before Christmas. In Iceland the tradition is to make Advent wreaths with four candles that are lit one by one each Sunday during Advent.

There’s also the Advent candle which is marked with the days of December up until Christmas Eve. Electrical advent lights have also been popular here in Iceland, seven little lights that are put out in the window during Advent.

Advent calendars are also popular among children who get a little something for each day on the calendar. The calendar is either home-made or store-bought, filled with little toys and/or chocolates.

Advent derives from Latin and means “coming.” During Advent, we prepare and wait for the Second Coming, even though we’re basically preparing a celebration to remember the First Coming.

There are various customs and traditions between countries and churches. While fasting is more popular within the Roman Catholic church, the Lutheran Church here in Iceland doesn’t concentrate so much on that.

However, I know of people who cut down on meat and eat more fish during Advent and I recall when I was younger that the traditional Christmas cookies were not to be eaten much during Advent, only as treats at Christmas.

Today this custom has changed and people munch on cookies throughout December while they listen to Christmas songs and write Christmas cards or wrap presents.

I have developed my own Advent traditions. Although I make a wreath like everybody else and decorate my apartment with Christmas lights as if I’ve entered some competition in using up electricity, I also take the time to go to a reclusive place within myself and contemplate. I think about the year that is about to pass, flick through my diary and look at what I’ve done.

I think about my encounters with other people during the year. Have I wronged someone? Have I taken someone for granted? Have I forgotten to tell something to someone? Then I sit down and write my Christmas cards.

I don’t follow the same list year after year. It depends on time and money how many the cards are. I don’t care. If I don’t write someone a card, I send them an email, a greeting on Facebook or call them up. But I always write to those that I feel I have something special to say to.

Of course I’d love to be able to send EVERYBODY I know a personal message in a card, but… let’s be realistic. Plus, who wants a card written out of mere duty?

So I try and tell people in a few words in a Christmas card how much I enjoyed our time together this passing year, let it be a trip we took together or just a dinner party where we had a blast.

As with people I’ve worked with on some project or another, I thank them and let them know how much I appreciated their contribution. And I write apologies for things I did or didn’t do; usually I apologize for neglecting a friendship.

I make a special list for the people I’ve come to know in the past year and feel that my life has become richer because of them. So I write them a card telling them what an important role they played in my life, even though they might be people I won’t be having much interaction with again. They just deserve to know how highly I think of them and how I treasure the fraction of time they’ve graced my entire life with.

Last, but not least, if I’ve parted with someone on bad terms, I write them a Christmas card to let them know I hold no grudges, to apologize for my part and to let them know I’ve forgiven and forgotten and truly wish them all the best.

Incidentally, I only recall having written such a card once. But it’s a memorable one and only because I did that was I able to let go of the past and celebrate Christmas with a light heart, knowing that the other person could do so too.

It would have spoilt my Christmas to think that a certain someone out there might be burdened with guilt or regret during the holidays, thinking that I was still hurt, upset or angry.

So this is what the Advent means to me. Once I’ve been introvert for a few days, contemplated and written my Christmas cards, I open up to the outside world again, decorate some more, go overboard on Christmas baking, drink hot cocoa like there’s no tomorrow and prepare celebrating Christmas with no, or very little, regret.

Ingibjörg Rósa Björnsdóttir – ingibjorgrosa@gmail.com