I’ve been invited to five weddings this year; in five countries from Norway to Mexico, but none in Iceland. I like going to weddings abroad, because they say a lot about the local culture.

Last month one of my course mates from London got married in Calcutta, India. Sadly, I had to decline her invitation. One should never miss a “monsoon wedding,” but fortunately I have already experienced a wedding in India.

A friend of mine was married to a ravishing Indian girl on a foggy day in Delhi, just before Christmas 2005. I traveled there with a group of friends and we were warmly welcomed by the bride and her family.

The wedding was celebrated over a three-day period, filled with delicious food, enchanting music, dancing and a swirl of saris in bright colors… and some more food. It was a wonderful, once-in-a-lifetime experience. As a normal tourist I would never have experienced India in that way, from the very core of its culture.

The quiet and withdrawn Icelanders and the loud and outgoing Indians enjoyed each others company, and in a way, the two very different cultures merged into one. That became clear when the groom’s mother arrived on the last day of the wedding, dressed in the black-and-white Icelandic national costume with henna patterns on her hands.

Each culture has its own wedding traditions and I hope I can make it to the other four weddings I’ve been invited to in Norway, Germany, Denmark and Mexico this year, but I’m not sure my travel budget will allow it.

So, what do weddings and marriages in Iceland say about the local culture?

“Get married? But we don’t even have children yet,” young couples often reply when asked whether they are thinking about tying the knot. In Iceland it is more common to have children “outside of wedlock,” as one of my American colleagues put it, than waiting until after they’re legally wed.

These days it is fashionable to combine wedding and baptism celebrations. Couples who have three to five-year-olds when they get married often have their children participate in the wedding ceremony as ring bearers or flower girls. Very cute.

Most people in Iceland don’t get married until they’re in their late twenties or early thirties, when they’ve already been involved for many years. When my cousin tied the knot at 21, because she has always liked to go against the trend, many considered her too young to get married.

Most weddings take place in church. The bride wears a rented white gown and the groom a nice suit or a tuxedo. They exchange rings and promise God to be faithful to one another. The parties are usually very stylish and formal. People sit quietly at their tables and enjoy their food, chat with their friends and don’t mingle much with people they don’t know. A few people give speeches and some crack jokes. There’s not much music or dancing.

In recent years pagan weddings have become more common. There are no strict rules about where these weddings should take place, what the bride and groom should wear, or even which religion they should belong to. Many couples choose to get married outside wearing traditional Icelandic costumes, often Viking style.

The high chieftain and the guests act as witnesses while the bride and groom swear faithfulness to one another on a special oath ring. To me, that seems like a beautiful and logical way to get married. Many tourists travel to Iceland nowadays for the sole purpose of getting married the pagan way. 

More wedding bells are ringing in the near future. One of my friends recently got engaged and I suspect two other friends of mine are planning to get married in the summer of 2008, as that summer marks the tenth anniversary of their relationships. Two are pregnant and one already has a child.

Love was in the air in the summer of 1998, which is when I got together with my boyfriend too. “So, why don’t you get married next year then,” people ask. “Because we don’t even have children yet,” we reply.

ESA – eyglo@heimur.is